Hearing the word….Don’t

How many times growing up did we hear our parents tell us not to do something? Don’t climb that tree. Don’t go past such and such. Don’t lift that. Don’t do that. Growing up, I’m sure we all heard those statements; however, they may have been more exclamations at times. Moving into adult hood, the same question is asked. Don’t take that highway. Don’t drive fast. Don’t forget to eat or drink that. And the list can continue on and on. Once again, I’m sure we have heard them. Then the question arises. Did we follow the guidance or go against what we were told to do and did our own thing.

In my personal life, with this kidney/pancreas transplant, I was told don’t lift more than 10 lbs for three months. I was always one that enjoyed manual labor. Give me a shovel and I’ll dig a hole. Tell me that piece if pipe needs to be moved over there. I’d pick it up and move it. I enjoyed being horseback. Using ever muscle in my body to be one with your horse. I find passion knowing that I had the strength to do these things. And when I heard I could not do these for three months I was saddened.

In my almost three months of not doing a thing. I’ve learned alot. I felt both sides of the spectrum. I’ve seen the positive and how it outweighed the negative. All those things I enjoyed doing for years before, I’m about to embark on in less than 3 weeks.

My sister, for kind of a gag gift She bought me a ten lb kettlebell weight, I picked it up and was pretty sure it weighed at least 50 lbs.

So the struggle to getting back to where I was will be a feat in itself. But I realize why the doctors wanted me to not lift over 10 lbs. They dont want you to tear your abdomen and create other problems in time. Like I said before. Itll be quite the time regaining my strength. Relearning what muscles to use. And learning what muscles are non existent at that time. When I get horseback, I’m pretty sure I’ll have to have someone saddle my horse for me. And theres always the chance of having someone give me a push into my seat. Once I’m there. It will all be me. Quick thoughts, keen mind, and going slow. I’m more than likely going to be riding just like a baby is sitting on a horses back. But oh the smile on my face, the joy in my heart, and the faith in my soul will tell my whole story for all to see.

If you’re told to not do something medically speaking. Follow the guidelines. Keep your faith. Stay positive. Find the good in everything. And remember… Be a sunflower, and find the sunshine!

Who You Are.

“Sometimes we’re tested not to show our weaknesses, but to discover our strength.”

– Unknown-

We’ve all been there. We’ve showed up for a test, thinking to ourselves, that we aren’t good enough. Yet, we still take the test. We still do what the boss wants. We still accomplish the day. What we learn before, during, and after is what matters.

If we continue the thought of not being good enough. We never will be good enough. Not for anything, nor anyone. However, with a more positive mindset, you set yourself further ahead of the game. You may realize that you aren’t the best but you know you will still do your best. You do your best at anything you do. You accomplish what you set your mind to.

In the middle of that test, we sit there thinking, “dang, this sucks.” Even when you already have half the battle won. You showed up! You learned that you can and you will learn that you will. So the next time you can and will!

After the test has been taken and we stirring over how we did, waiting for the results, we constantly second guess every question and/or every thing we did. Stop second guessing! Second guessing gets us nowhere except even further in self pity. Nobody likes a Debbie Downer. Think to yourself that you did it. You took the test. And you did the best that you possibly could. Latch on to that positive thinking, and rock and roll with it. When you get the results back. Cheer for yourself. Be your own support. Show your self some love. And congratulate yourself. And when the results are back. You learned that no matter what is handed to you, you handle with ease and grace. You learned that you can and will do your best. The boss/teacher may see the weaknesses, but we just learned a new strength.

Sometimes in life we dont know our strengths. We only know our weaknesses. We don’t focus on how well we treat our kids, how we put smiles on people faces or how many blessings we have.

All my life I was told I could do better with my diabetes and I needed to take better care of myself. This was my test. I knew that I was doing the best that I could. Although, I knew I could do better. I never allowed my brain to tell me I sucked at being a diabetic. I gave it my best shot and I lived my best life to the best way that I could.

Fast forward through 23 years of hearing this from everyone. I lay in a hospital bed with a brand new kidney and a brand new pancreas. The surgeon walks in, goes through all the normal talk, then asks where my dad was. He was out of the room doing whatever he was doing. She wanted someone else to hear tmwhatvshe had to say. She started asking me how long I had fought this dreaded disease. Then began to tell me that I did an amazing job at controlling it. She didnt seen anything wrong my other organs that diabetes would effect. She said I was dealt a crummy hand in life, but here is my chance to reshuffle the cards and hopefully have a better hand. I had grown cold to everyone asking how I lived taking shots, how did I do all finger pricks and such, and the look on their face when I told them it was life or death. I chose life. When that surgeon told me that I had done a good job I learned that all those finger pricks, all the needles, all the questions and stares, and all the highs and lows, love and heartache, and all the moodiness, was completely worth it. That was the result of my test. I loved life before and I still love life today. I had lost focus of my personal strength of being able to be resilient, love everyone (I never told anyone to just Google type 1 and I didnt have time to listen to them argue with me if I could have that ouece of cake or not), braveness, and my vulnerability. To those that knew I was getting irritated, I’m sorry. I still love you.

It’s been one month and twenty- three days since the dual organ surgery. I am now living MY BEST life. Never let yourself get down on yourself. Hold your values. Build your character. Strive for perfection. Know your strengths but also know your weaknesses so you can make them a strength.

Go be like a sunflower and always find the sun.

One Thing Remains

Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant through the trial and the change
One thing remains
This one thing remains.

Your love never fails it never gives up. It never runs out on me.

We sang this song at church this morning. It made me realize so much with all that has happened in the last month. The outpouring of love and the sense of being alive that I am loved 24/7 even during the times that I thought noone loved me. The times I don’t think I should be loved and the times I got tired of being loved, God loves me.

His love is higher than any mountain that we face. His love is taller than Mt. Everest. And it’s deeper than the lowest canyon in the ocean. Gods love is stronger than the grave. Constant through the trial and the change. Gods love has been here in us since day one through every trial and tribulation. And through every change in our life. From changing schools to getting new organs. From breakups to make ups from good choices to bad decisions. It has always remained. This one thing remains. His love will never fail, it will never give up, and it will never run out on you. It will never leave you high and dry. He will never tell you, I don’t love you anymore. He will never forsake you. He loves you constantly and forever. He loves us through everything we put him through. Because on and on and on it goes just to overwhelm and satisfy our soul. We no longer have to be afraid. One thing remains. GODS LOVE REMAINS.

I leave you with this bible verse. John 21:19 Stand firm and you will win life. When everything is crumbling down around us and the tunnel is getting dark stay firm in knowing God loves you!

Now go be a light for someone to see! This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine!

Feel free to send this to anyone in need of knowing they are loved.

The Perfect Ending… Finally

A writer is merely just a reader that had the guts to be read, and, heard.

Makokoma Mokhonoana

I don’t know anybody on this earth that doesn’t know what an ending is. We all have them. We all dread them in some way or another. We dread them because we don’t know when the end is coming. The ending always come at, what seems to be, a very inopportune time in our life, such as a relationship ending, the family dog dying, or even family members dying in a car crash. An ending never asks when is a good time for you to be finished with such and such. I’ve never heard of a perfect ending other than in Hollywood movies. But we know that’s all fake but it sure does look good.

Well I think I’ve personally witnessed the perfect ending. Yes, The temporary ending to a horrible good disease. I’ll break this sentence down as we go along. So buckle up buttercup and lets go for a ride. let me Explain this first, I had diabetes and end stage renal failure, aka kidney disease. I got a new Kidney and new pancreas October 30, 2019, so let’s get back to the oddball sentence. First of all, I started with,”temporary.” I say temporary because it may only last a few years, or it could last till I am 93. So the word temporary is used quite loosely but rather strong in the same instance. Secondly, I said,”temporary ending,” Like is a before, could be a short time or a very long time. but either way it’s an ending as off right now, and i’m thoroughly enjoying it!! Thirdly, I said, “horrible.” I say this because it’s true It is a horrible disease. Diabetes. Absolutely. Sucks. I will never forget the finger sticks , the up all nights, the bathroom trips, the “you can’t eat that,” the “but you don’t look like a diabetic”, the lows, the mood swings, the rejections from people once they found out I was “sick”, the explaining the difference between type 1 and type 2 diabetes. I won’t forget the way some people treated me. The way they thought I had to be handled with care. The feeling of not being able to go anywhere or do what I want will always remain in my brain. The next adjective I used was, “good”. Why would I say good after I used the word horrible? I use it because it was good. It was good for me stay close to my family, have something to take care of, something to talk about, and something to deal with. All I ever wanted to do after I graduated high school was leave home and never look back. Not necessarily run off but I wanted to see if the world was indeed round. Through this disease I stuck around, I still traveled but not as far as i originally intended. I had fun. I had something to manage on a personal daily account. If I chose to not obey then I wouldn’t be here, right now, writing this, for you to read. Diabetes gave me something to talk about, I was a shy kid growing up, and I suppose I still am. Having diabetes gave me something to share about having struggles when everyone thought my only care in the world was why I didn’t eat that whole cherry pie, when I was skinny enough, they thought I needed it. That disease gave me something to deal with. It gave me a backbone, a mean left hook, and a figurative strong chin that could land any punch given to me. When I had negative Nancies in my life that didn’t know what I was going through, I stayed true to being positive. When those negative people thought I could be better at managing my illness, I knew that I was doing the best I could. I didn’t falter, I didn’t because I wouldn’t let myself. So that’s why stated, a temporary ending to a horrible good disease.

I personally don’t know many Type 1 diabetics, but if do, cheer them on. Tell them how good they look. How bad to the bone they are. I mean type 1 diabetics are pretty hardcore in reality., but its nice to hear those words every once in awhile. Life ain’t easy being so sweet. To all you diabetics out there, you are the bomb dot com. Keep your head held high. I know it sucks, i was there for just over 23 years. I have the finger prick scars, the scar tissue where I placed my infusion sets or took shots, and i have the memories. 23 years of checking 4 times a day is 33,580 finger pricks and thats not counting all the trips to the hospital and they checked it every hour. Fight the goof fight. Your perfect Ending is coming, and when it comes, the new beginning will be pretty exciting.

I love you all, may God Bless! Be a sunflower and find the sunshine in everything!!

The First

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt.

I have a true lifelong friend that challenged me to dare greatly. She challenged me to start a blog and write again. Little does she know I never stopped writing. I write little snippets all the time. Little poem verses that flow out of my mind and onto the computer screen.

So I guess for this first entry. Let me tell you about myself. I came from very remote northeastern New Mexico. It is very beautiful there with all sorts of landscapes. Flatland, rolling hills, brush, sandhills, rocks, trees, grass, everything. When I say very remote. I mean very remote. When i graduated high school there were four guys and one girl in the graduating class. Five in all. Kindergarten to seniors… there was a total of 52 kids. For me to drive to school each day, I drove 38 miles. Of which 12 miles were dirt road. We were small and we were close to each other.

I recently recieved a kidney/pancreas transplant. I spent 23 years if my life as a type 1 diabetic. 1 year having end stage renal disease. Ten months on peritoneal dialysis. I now have gone one week and one day without taking insulin and without doing dialysis. Let me tell you this… Its bloody awesome!! I’ll write more on this in days to come.

I write short kid stories. Stories that exercise the brain and make them think and wonder. I enjoy writing. Hopefully you will enjoy my writing style.

Things to see on this blog. Life, death, daily activities, stories of animals (horses, dogs, cows), the new life, rants ( I’ll keep them to a minimum) noone likes a negative Nancy. Maybe some poetry, and short stories. Words of wisdom from prior mistakes , and anything else I feel like writing about.

Have a blessed day. Remember that when you’re having a bad day that’s there are days like today, but it could be worse. Find the sunshine in everything.